Tuesday, November 16, 2004

How to combat Sidhuism !

-by Cyrus 'Bakra' Broacha

Navjot Singh Sidhu is changing the way we look at commentators. By that I don't mean all commentators will start wearing turbans, but instead all will have to sharpen their wits to keep up with the Indian ‘Oscar Wilde’, now commonly know as Navjot Singh Very Wilde.

To help these struggling commentators, Broachaskar has painstakingly arranged for some new phrases to be used in the market. Phrases that may be borrowed without fear of copyright infringement by all associated with cricket.
Here's the first example.

Phrase 1. "He's setting the field like Raaj Kumar Santoshi". This is a hilarious phrase that ridicules the fielding captain for setting an over-extravagant field for a mediocre bowler. Say seven slips and two gullies for Ricky Ponting bowling with the new ball. This is akin to Raaj Kumar Santoshi who often takes poor scripts, poorer actors, making a super far over budget, complete bomb of a film. Thanks to Santoshi's extravagance, the producers and financers often develop respiratory problems.

Phrase 2. "His running between the wickets is like Jayalalitha". The famous Indian politician is famous for constantly changing her mind about supporting the centre. Very often she gets peeved and pulls the rug from under the central government’s feet. Thus she's a great candidate for causing run-outs. So all poor runners like Inzy, Saurav and co. better watch out for the hefty comparison.

Phrase 3. "He's a Tehelkian Captain". This refers to a Jardine like captain who won't stop at anything to win a game of cricket. A sort of Machiavelli Tehelka.comma. "The end justifies the means". It also refers to captains, who won't stop at anything to lose matches such as is alleged about Salim of Pakistan and Hansie of Southern Africa.

Phrase 4. "He won't make the Lagaan team". This refers to a cricketer with poor skills. Such a cricketer should not be paraded on the world stage, instead he should make it to either cricketing side in the film Lagaan. Let's face it, the film may have been good, but the bowling and the cricketing gear was atrocious.

Phrase 5. "He's got P.M.K." This refers to a cricketer who is always injured, or heavily injury prone like Ajit Agarkar or Mervyn Dillon. They seem to suffer from P.M.K. -- Prime Minister's Knee Syndrome. Like our poor beleagured ex-P.M. whose one knee or the other is always acting up. Of course his excuse is he's almost 80 years. What ailments Agarkar will have on his 79th birthday only God will know, and only he will be able to provide assistance.


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